Doctor Who hosts "Chrystal Maze"! Thoughts on "Ghost Monument".

Well, let's get the negative out of the way: the new TARDIS interior, clearly modeled after Superman's Fortress of Solitude, looks propped up by columns of crystallized snot. It's awful.

But, again, Segun Akinola's theme is wonderful, even if the new credits are a bit more liquid, and the new logo more flimsy than I'd like. . .


So, here's the real first episode of the new era, as it can't have really started without the theme. What we get is a condensed quest-epic, sort of reminiscent of "Keys of Marinus". It's very space-operatic, set on an alien planet full of danger and mystery, on the outskirts of a universe hinted to be rich in detail. In this, it is very old-school, and that is a very good thing. I just wish it had a bit more of the old school pacing. . .

With every scene crammed to the brim with speculation, exposition, supposition, and all-too-earnest character growth, I began to long for one scene where nobody said anything. Just an extended panoramic shot of the windswept landscape, or the Doctor looking concerned while deciphering a rune, or an alien robot just looking menacing (rather than menacing). Time to breathe. "Keys of Marinus" took the better part of two hours to unfold, stretched over six episodes. "Ghost Monument" crams in about as much material (its plot synopsis on Tardis Wiki is 1588 words long) into forty nine minutes (probably less if you were watching on Space). No wonder Matt Smith advised future Doctors to "talk fast". . .


I know two-episoders are supposed to be rare, and serialization anathema to whatever's in charge of these things (though isn't it making a comeback?), but imagine if we had some time to actually savour this world so painstakingly created for us? Imagine a real mystery, deliberately and deliciously unraveled? It's something the new series has been loath to do - maybe the author of Broadchurch will be open to it.

Deadly robots - but no UNIT style shoot-outs

Maybe we'd get better action scenes (non-existent since 2005), and maybe it would seem less preachy. Don't get me wrong, the Doctor's moral authority is always reassuring, but it's beginning to feel like Sunday school: "It's alright to trust", "people need to work together", "talk about your feelings", "never give up hope" and "guns are bad" all within a few minutes of each other. Will we have to eat all our broccoli next? (No laser gun battles at all? Not even against killer robots? Come on Doc, what would the Brig say?)(Any moral, no matter how well-intentioned, feels insincere if it sounds focus-group driven).


(And couldn't the reference to Venusian Akido be allowed to just stand on its own?)


I'm sure it all looked great on paper, and maybe it'll read great if ever they novelize it. Chibnall's heart is in the right place, and God bless'em for it, but his visions trapped and stifled by the limitations of the format. There's a lot to love here, but as presented it feels more like British game show than an SF drama (you ever see British game shows in the nineties?). I can live with it, but as is I can't love it.