New Years shrug. . . .

            A long long time ago, I went to a local wrestling match – yeah I did, so sue me. One of the commentators, who must have been one of the organizers’ girlfriends, refused to get excited about any of the goings on in the ring, seeming rather to want to reassure the audience that everyone inside would be okay. Dismissing every one of the performer’s moves with a “That wasn’t so hard,” or “I’ve seen worse” in a sedated, calm voice, may have been an honest appraisal, but did very little to contribute to the excitement of the evening.

            That my friends is how I feel about the first ever Doctor Who New Years special. It tried so very hard and came so tantalizingly close, but like every other episode so far, falls just short, or shoots itself in the foot. How on earth am I supposed to get excited about a Dalek invasion when the Doctor, like aforementioned commentator, keeps telling everything’s going to be just fine? “I’m going to stop them!” and “you’ve always failed before” because “humanity bands together” (ugh "barf,").  She can even block the Dalek’s laser signals now! Maybe I should just go upstairs and get a sandwich then, because there’s clearly nothing to be afraid of here.  

  

               Why not try this for a change:
  (*ahem*)“I don’t know if we’ll get through this Graham. These aren’t the cute little Tsurangas anymore, these are the most evil, most clever, most adaptable, most ruthless, most indestructible, genocidal creatures in the universe!”
A little panic mongering never hurt anyone. . .in a drama. Or a little drama for that matter – for all the sentimental schlock piled on in these episodes, there’s precious little gravitas for any of the fantastical elements – we get the impression that not even the Daleks deserve more than one-liners in this universe. More to the point, the invulnerability of the Doctor and her attendant trash-talking of potential menaces is one of my least favourite tropes of the New Who, one I just wish would go away.

            The oldest baddies in the franchise don’t even get the privilege of a dramatic reveal, the Doctor just mentioning off-hand they were in town. It almost – almost – made me long for the days of Russell T. Davies, who, if nothing else, was at least the master of dramatic reveals (credit where it’s due).

            Nevermind the dramatic reveal, we don’t even get our starting credits. Once again – third time now – the Who theme was considered unworthy. Not playing the Who theme is a bit like performing Handel’s Messiah without the “Hallelujah” chorus, or Hamlet without the “To be or not be” scene. It’s like a wingless butterfly collection. You just don’t do it. And yet, three times now – THREE times – they have. I don’t get it, I don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t.

             Come to think of it, I think I would have been much more forgiving of everything else if they’d just played the friggin’ theme. As I mentioned earlier, I get testy if I don’t get my theme. Who knows – I might have just been happy that the Daleks were back and blowing shit up again. Let’s be fair – that fight with the army trucks was a mighty cool sequence – the best fight scene we’ve had in years. (Just about the only fight scene - of this kind - we've had in years). I should just be happy about that and heap praise and adulation on it, so that maybe the producers will read that and think that’s what the general public wants and give us more. But then it might keep doing all the other stuff as well. . .

Dalek vs. Army Truck windmills. . .

            As was, other things kept creeping in to bug me as well. The Dalek built its own casing out of spare junk it found lying around a warehouse? It really found all it needed to construct levitation devices, surface to air missiles, forcefields and its visual software? The- was it Sheffield? – police really have a Dalek gun lying around their vault? Ninth century armies were really able to take out a Dalek when modern armies couldn’t? Really? 

            So, in summation, I’ve spent most of every episode of the current era waiting for “the cool part” to start, and I’m waiting still. Plenty of times it’s come close, so painfully close, but I gotta be honest – it just hasn’t gotten there. Everything feels out of balance, the pacing, the tone, the themes. It feels too ponderous, even at its most hyperactive moments, which, paradoxically makes it exhausting and dull at the same time.

            I’m not trying to be a grumpy-Gus, really I ain’t. But I can’t lie to you folks either. It ain’t workin’ for me.

            For what it’s worth, here’s what I’d love to see next season:

• No more sentimental crap. Shows about the complexities of fatherhood are a dime-a-dozen. There’s only one about Daleks.
• A lot less preaching and finger wagging.
• A two-parter. Preferably with a really elaborate invasion plot
• No more alien serial-killers.
• Missy
• A lot less sonic screwdriver
• A lot more of the theme tune. Don’t ever leave it out. Ever. Again.