The Noun of the Daleks in the Key of Schmaltz for Piano

 So, let’s start the year off on something light. No talk of pandemics, crisis in democracy, ecological degradation or the decaying of the public discourse. That doesn’t leave much, but fortunately there was a new seasonal Doctor Who special, so we can talk about that.

I can say it’s a vast improvement over last year’s New Year’s Eve special. More explosions, more extermination, fewer “inspiring” speeches. . .unfortunately, just as much, if not more, schmaltzy sentimentality.  

The curse of the Chibnall era has to be its painfully earnest tone. The monsters are fine, the villains are fine, the diabolical invasion plots are fine – but every episode the directors insist on bringing the action to a dead halt in-order to have these nauseating heart-to-hearts, complete with slow piano music. It’s contrived sentimentality with all the same cardboard emotions of a Celine Dion concert, a Mitch Albom pamphlet, or a Nancy Reagan after-school special. You can almost hear the mother-superior demanding you pay attention so you don’t miss the moral.

The world is ending, but let's stop and have a chat. . .

It’s not that Moffat or RTD didn’t have their share of sentimentality. But it seemed so much more smoothly integrated with the flow than now. Teary moments happened in the beginning or at the end, and were always kept brief. Now, they just drag on. And on. And on! How long did it take Ryan to say goodbye? I honestly don’t know – I watched on PVR and zapped the whole scene until we got the bicycles. It was not the first time during the episode I did that. 

I did want to stay positive though, so enough of that. The Daleks are great, and there’s even
a good plot reason for them to look different (And a great surprise internet spoilers failed to spoil. I love surprises. . .).  Captain Jack inserts a few moments of much needed life into the often leaden proceedings. And I would love to see Chris North return as Jack Robertson, who’d make a great recurring anti-villain, like the Meddling Monk, Sabalom Glitz, or Gene Hackman’s Lex Luther. In short, things were great as long as the principals stayed off the screen. 

No, that’s not quite fair – I don’t have such a hate-on for Whitaker as all that. But she does 
seem to be fed some of the worst lines. (Though hinting that she tried to eat through her prison bars was probably her most “Doctorish” moment yet). The trouble is they’ve turned eccentricity into immaturity, to the extent that she needs counselling from someone like Ryan. That does rather undermine the otherworldly, ancient wisdom the character is supposed to exude. Indeed, this whole business of "The Doctors needs humans to keep them grounded" is incredibly tiresome, and only really worked with Donna. 

In short (and this goes for the whole series, not just this New Year's Special), the supposedly emotional bits all feel contrived, overwrought buzzkill, as conducive to excitement as Question Period, or a bucket of ice, is to foreplay. Maybe we just need new companions, or new writers or TARDIS roundels. . .or new editors who can helpfully cut out the boring bits to make way for more Burger King ads.  Definitely ditch the piano interludes and let the audience decide what to feel and when to feel it.

Captain Jack: Much needed levity in a leaden cast 

A handful of other thoughts: 

Yaz: the Doctor has just spent the last decade in prison. She didn’t do it        to inconvenience you.   Do not act as if you are the suffering party here.

(Come to think of it, I can’t imagine the Doctor just sitting in jail for ten years waiting to be rescued!)

Ryan: for god’s sake, get over yourself and give your step-dad a fist bump! God forbid you lighten up a little. . .

At least they kept the theme tune and title credits. Thank God for small mercies. . .